Office Monster

There once was a monster from under the sea,
Who decided to live a life like you or like me.

So he got a job at an office right quick,
as a Junior Sales Associate under Sales Manager Rick.

But selling software turned out to be a contemptuous map,
of needless policy meetings and jargon-laced crap.

The break room could hardly store the sea monsters lunch,
and when he tried to make friends they all ran in a bunch.

The VOIP phone they told him to use,
required fingers and thumbs, not fins, suckers, and hooves.

And while he found the smell of gull droppings quite charming,
it seemed that the others only found it alarming.

They weren’t happy at all that he brought them all snails,
they flat out refused to taste the brown glossy trails.

The keyboard and mouse were too hard to find,
once he covered his desk with seaweed and slime.

and don’t get them started when his skin got too crusty,
and he set off the sprinklers, man, humans were fussy.

His Outlook messages were also a mess,
with most of them written in old Norse at best.

But HR assured all that he should just be,
and noted the poster on diversity.

But after a week under those flickering lights,
the sea monster decided to give up the fight.

So when Rick asked him to come in on his precious free day,
to fill out reports that weren’t due anyway.

The monster puffed up, grunted, and then lifted his tail,
and sent something unpleasant by in-office mail.

The monster just couldn’t be human, this was a fact.
So he turned in his notice, and never looked back.